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Finding a fic I read years ago
Dec. 28th, 2021 01:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
despisebananasHi there,
I read this Sherlock/Watson fanfic a long time ago and now I can't find it anywhere. Here is a paragraph from it:
"I suppose it’s because I am a child. At least in this.
People learn from books but grow from experience, isn’t that what you believe?
You were my first. Based on the national average that put me at around fifteen years old. No wonder your ratio of sighs to smiles spiked soon after we became physically intimate. Your expectations, while of course adjusted to account for my eccentricities which you were already familiar with, were still for a more experienced partner.
There’s a Japanese saying about first loves never bearing fruit. But there was never anyone else, even if I’d thought of the necessity of practice. Only you.
I did try. You made me want to learn all those things I’d dismissed long ago as being boring and plebian. To be better, at least in your estimation. To be worth the time and effort. What I lacked in practical experience I attempted to make up for with research. A proper relationship is supposed to be symbiotic, not parasitic, for example - I at least knew that already - so I gave the soldier danger, and the doctor a patient. And you gave me light, and fire.
Self-sacrifice was a common theme in my readings as well. I don’t know how much more I could have done, there. I sacrificed my happiness for your life, my life for your happiness. I know you believe it was badly done, but surely effort and intent count for more than execution?
And after everything, you came back, and I thought - I’d hoped - that maybe we’d worn down our edges enough that we’d work this time. I’d lost you once and you’re obviously still you, but it could be counted as being my second relationship, I think. And eighteen and forty-five is still a terrible emotional age gap but what else can I do but hope that every time you leave me, you’ll eventually come back, and someday maybe I won’t seem so inexperienced and stupid in comparison. Someday we’ll be more balanced, and then–”
If someone could help me find this fic I would be so grateful!!!
I read this Sherlock/Watson fanfic a long time ago and now I can't find it anywhere. Here is a paragraph from it:
"I suppose it’s because I am a child. At least in this.
People learn from books but grow from experience, isn’t that what you believe?
You were my first. Based on the national average that put me at around fifteen years old. No wonder your ratio of sighs to smiles spiked soon after we became physically intimate. Your expectations, while of course adjusted to account for my eccentricities which you were already familiar with, were still for a more experienced partner.
There’s a Japanese saying about first loves never bearing fruit. But there was never anyone else, even if I’d thought of the necessity of practice. Only you.
I did try. You made me want to learn all those things I’d dismissed long ago as being boring and plebian. To be better, at least in your estimation. To be worth the time and effort. What I lacked in practical experience I attempted to make up for with research. A proper relationship is supposed to be symbiotic, not parasitic, for example - I at least knew that already - so I gave the soldier danger, and the doctor a patient. And you gave me light, and fire.
Self-sacrifice was a common theme in my readings as well. I don’t know how much more I could have done, there. I sacrificed my happiness for your life, my life for your happiness. I know you believe it was badly done, but surely effort and intent count for more than execution?
And after everything, you came back, and I thought - I’d hoped - that maybe we’d worn down our edges enough that we’d work this time. I’d lost you once and you’re obviously still you, but it could be counted as being my second relationship, I think. And eighteen and forty-five is still a terrible emotional age gap but what else can I do but hope that every time you leave me, you’ll eventually come back, and someday maybe I won’t seem so inexperienced and stupid in comparison. Someday we’ll be more balanced, and then–”
If someone could help me find this fic I would be so grateful!!!
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